Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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