no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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