Screwed.edu
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
