your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
