She said her name was "party"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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