he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
