new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
