After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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