I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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