OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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