He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
