This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
