O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
