Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
