Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
