: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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