thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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