Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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