i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
