normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
