it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
