i permit you to call me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wear drunk well.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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