I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
