I love black thongs
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
