I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
