I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
