Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
