well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
