I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We need a shit load of segways right now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
