I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
