life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
