i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
