i need an iv and a liver transplant
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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