White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
