we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
