so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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