I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
