R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
