Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
