I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
