I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
