1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
