I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
