rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
