Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
