My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
