I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
