so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
