she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
