I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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