How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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