Apparently you make a good broom.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
