I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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