just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
