Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
