No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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