this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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